Vegans: A Satire

Steve Rubio, Staff Writer

Have you ever encountered a vegan? A person who does not eat dairy and meat? Well, here’s a joke!

Why do vegans wake up early in the morning? Know why? Well, it’s because they have to milk the almonds.

If you did not find that funny, I’ll throw a fact out there for all of you kids. Vegans state they don’t eat nor cannot have eggs and dairy, but now because of that, they eat the animals’ food instead, such as “grass” and hay. So the vegans are basically the animals now, eating the greens that animals do on the daily.

Here’s another joke: Ellen Degeneres encounters a homeless man eating a hamburger on Harlem street and says to that man, “You should not be eating that type of food!” with an annoyed attitude. She suggests that the man eat her favorite kale recipe that they sell around the corner of the street. The homeless man stares at her like she’s crazy.

Personally,  I can never eat plants that are raised in crowded farms and inhumane living conditions. Have you seen the kale series documentary? If you haven’t, you gotta see it, it’s so heartbreaking seeing how all the plants are killed, and all of the deforestation from the plant farming and unsustainable farming practices. Kale farming is the #1 destroyer of the environment and once you see it you’ll never think about eating plants again!